ARRRGGGHHHHHHH!

I had a subscription to one of those online dating sites for about a year. I cancelled it because it proved to be worthless to me. I was matched with a decent number of men, but they were so far away that the majority of them closed them before we ever started any communication. Many of them felt the physical distance was too great to even start something. OK. Fine. I can see the challenges in long distance; I have been down that road before and it was not fun. But, I have many more complaints about this online dating site. For something that touts compatibility as its factor, this is no different than any of the other dating sites. It is just an online meat market. And falling in love? Puh-lease!! I may eat my words about this some day, but not likely. I just think that there are too many people who misrepresent themselves on these things and too many people who are unrealistic (I started this way) when it comes to online dating.

My beef with this site is that it markets itself as being different when really it is not. My experience was the men were still the same because MEN ARE MEN! And, to be honest, I am not begrudging the men for it. I blame this site for even marketing the idea that as humans we are different than we fundamentally are. And to be fair, WOMEN ARE WOMEN, so to claim that we are not and that you can match someone based on a list of factors is hogwash. I would love to think that we as humans have evolved to intellectual relationship building, but we are not there yet. We are first and foremost creatures of biology and that starts with pheromones and basic human attraction. Everyone has different levels to which they function - meaning attraction may be instant or for some build over time. And then you have chemistry. Chemistry is a combination of many factors including physical attraction.

So, there you have it. The problem with online dating using only compatibility matching. Unfortunately, the concept is too evolved and Utopian for creatures like us. And I am not saying it does not work for some either. There have been success stories, but those people are not the majority and they have moved beyond traditional thinking. Kudos. They also must have really found a person that sparked their interest on a fundamental level or they would not have even continued the process.

You Irritate Me!

Everyone has at least one. Some people refer to them as their arch nemesis. I would say it is that person in your life who just pushes your buttons. You hear that new age BS about no one can do anything to you that you don't let them and I believe that to an extent, but sometimes people just plain piss you off. There is no getting around it and there are certain people who have a knack for it. They are just better at hitting your "PRESS HERE TO SEND ME INTO MEGA-IRRITATED MODE" button. In our group, there are four of us that have this nuance - two guys and two girls. It is ironic, too. The guys tend to irritate the women more often than the other way around. (Isn't that funny?) And to be even more entertaining, when one of the guys is irritating one of us gals, he won't be on the other gals nerves, too (at least in most situations.) We just pass the who is annoyed at who button around so there is harmony in the group the majority of the time. We are not as dysfunctional as we sound. (OK, we are, but it is normal.) We are human. For the most part, we all just get along. It is the times when we are poking fun at each other and someone decides to tow the line or one of us has decided to blame the other's gender for one individual's sins that things can get a little ugly for that moment. I think it is called being good friends. . .

More Changes

I have written several posts on here about making some major life changes over the past couple of months. It was time for me to take stock in my life and write a few new chapters. This past month I ended up writing a shorter one. This was not anticipated. After deciding to work in Alzheimer's patient care, I have had to make another change. Unfortunately, after two major knee surgeries and several car accidents, my body decided to not cooperate with my choice in careers. I ended with a trip to the orthopedic doctor praying I did not injure my knee again only to find out that thankfully I did not, but he strongly recommended that I discontinue my work in this field. I was very upset. This job means a lot to me. I am hoping to still work a few hours per month every once and awhile because that amount I can handle.

So, I am back to work in sales again. I am fine with that. I am still planning to devote time to volunteer work through the church and am going to get involved with the Chamber of Commerce. I want to give as much time as I can to non-work related activities. Another journey begins. . .

Off Limits for Life?

I have been mulling this subject over recently more and more and my opinion on it seems to be evolving. I used to think that if I was good friends with a married couple and they split up that dating these people was off-limits to our group of friends. It is just too messy and too hard for all involved. I have discussed this with several of my friends and we have varying opinions. I also said that dating within one's circle is a bad idea, but that is an idealistic view. I will admit that, especially if you have a group of friends like we do that is like the tv show, "Friends." Most of us are in are in our 30's, fun-loving, some singles, some married, and we have some common hobbies that tie us all together.

So, with a group of friends like this, I really have in the past felt very strongly about dating each other and the said consequences and dating people after someone splits up, be that a long-term relationship or a marriage. I think that my opinions on these two subjects have come from watching peoples lives turned upside down just with their break-ups and divorces and the impact it has on the relationships of everyone in their lives. Out of respect for all involved I have always felt it was better to keep the lines of friendship clearly drawn even after a split.

Regardless, we as humans don't live in a vacuum when it comes to attraction and feelings. In simpler terms, or a cliche, you can't help who you fall for. I think this is the bigger issue. Just because you have good intentions and don't want to like someone doesn't mean that will always be the case. I appreciate my friends who have shared their opinions on this subject because it really helped me take a deeper look and realize that I could say anything I wanted about these friends being "off limits" but in reality it was probably just too unrealistic of a idea.

I don't know if this situation will ever arise, but at least I have a better idea now that I need to examine it differently if it does. I have re-examined my thoughts on dating within the circle also, but that is another post. . .

Eating Healthy Costs $$$$

I don't know about you, but I have been trying to eat well or better for awhile now and it is rather irritating that the cost of doing so is significantly more than bingeing on twinkies and Dr. Pepper. I prefer to each fresh foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. I keep the processed and pre-packaged foods to a minimum. In doing so, I end up having to shop more frequently and end up spending more money. For some reason, foods that are packed with high fructose corn syrup, white flour and sugar are cheaper. It is just so frustrating!!! And, as a friend and I were discussing earlier this evening, it seems like fruits and veggies are getting more expensive. . .Not good. I don't plan on changing my eating habits and heading back to eating poorly so I can die sooner full of clogged arteries and cancer, but I marvel at how as Americans we promote so many things that are bad for us and make them not only readily available, but less expensive than what is good and healthy. Welcome to the American Dream (capitalism).

Holding Out for a Hero

Where are they, I ask you? "Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods?" to quote the Bonnie Tyler hit. Over the past year, I would have said, they are gone. Gone forever, that there was not a good man left out there because they are all already taken or the rest have some unique social deformity that makes them undesirable like immature behavior or unrealistic expectations. Please realize I am half speaking tongue and cheek here, but really, it is so discouraging to see good men and women stay single because they can't seem to make a love connection. And for what reason?

I am not sure these days. I guess I think it is because we as humans are so ridiculously picky about our romantic relationships. I know I am. And you want to know the funny thing? I will accept the most annoying characteristics and flaws in my friends that they can possibly exhibit, but when it comes to the man of my dreams, FORGET IT! He has to be damn near perfect.

Ok, not really, but it seems that way for many of us. Why is that? Why will we let so many things slide with our friends but not with that one person, the one that means everything? Is it because they mean everything? Is it because that level of trust is supposed to be higher than that of any other with our sig figs? Is it the intimacy that dictates the need for perfection?

I don't know any of the answers. I just know that there are decent single men and women who can't seem to find their way to each other. Take for example my group of friends- there are a number of us who are single and we are all great people, but not right for each other for a number of reasons. You could ask each of us to make a list (of excuses/reasons) why each one of us is not dating each other. (We put the "dys" in dysfunctional.) I think each of us knows what our individual issues are. Whether we are willing to admit them or not, is another whole story and hence, we stay single . . .

Reflection

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about a variety of things. I guess you could say I have been taking stock of everything in my life. At first, this was very subconscious, and then this process became mandatory and conscious. Now, I am happy to go through and make the necessary changes that have recently come about in my life. The journey to this place was interesting and at times even painful, but I am now in a happier place overall.

It is funny in a way because this weekend marks my ten year anniversary of my college graduation. Thinking back, I remember having a ten-year plan for my life and although I have created a nice life for myself and had a successful career in sales up to this point, my ten-year plan went out the window many years ago. It is good that it was only a plan, sketched in pencil and not carved in stone. Nothing is written in stone these days and I am thankful for that. Change can be good, even if there are aspects of the change that are difficult because most often growth comes out of the change.

So, from this reminiscing I found myself thinking about what my life would be like if I had taken a different path. I have spent ten years focusing on my career, putting my professional life before my personal life. I have developed a great resume, but this has left my social life lacking. I can't say I regret any of it, either. I have learned so much in the past ten years from my experiences and the people who mentored me. I also learned about myself. It is amazing what life will teach us if we are open to learning.

My reflection has brought me to a calm place, to one of new beginnings and chapters unwritten, to a new ten year plan. I am thankful for the opportunity to look forward to the next ten years to choose to prioritize my life differently.