For better or for worse

There are some days when I question the buoyancy of friendships. Today was one of those days. I had two interactions with two different people that irritated me to the point of wondering how much acceptance is really there. For me and my friendships, we accept each other for better or for worse - in many cases unconditionally like family. I know I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be perfect. Ok- never is a strong word. I have jokingly claimed to be "perfect," but in all seriousness I am a work in progress. I have my foibles, faults and idiosyncrasies just like the next person, but what really bothers me is the fact that there people out there that seem to remind me of my foibles just often enough to question his/her unconditional acceptance.

Everyone has habits; some of us have some not so good ones. I fully admit to the fact that I have ones that I know I need to change. For example, I have a really bad habit of calling people "pet" names that they may not like, even though the names aren't supposed to be derogatory. I really did not know this was a "bad habit" until someone did not like his/her nickname. My intentions have always been in jest, but I have found out that the names were not always appreciated which is understandable to a point. A joke is a joke. Unfortunately, habits are hard to break. So, I am working on it, but in this process, I continue to offend people and in turn get irritated with the cycle. I can't change overnight and I am getting tired of apologizing for being who I am. If you are really friends with someone, don't they accept you for who you are even while you are trying to change for better or for worse? That would be my hope. Even moreso, I would hope that you could address something with a friend once and let them fix his or her problem in the time it takes to do it.

If we could all be so perfect as to fix everything we need to overnight, the world would not be as it is today. And oftentimes, I think in general, people just don't communicate well and that leads to even bigger issues that just mushroom. Misinterpretation is a key factor as to why so many people don't understand each other and clearly communicate today. Because we have gone digital, so much is left to assumption and hence, misinterpretation ensues. A friendly conversation with jokes and laughter can turn ugly so quickly nowadays because email and messenger lacks tone and facial expressions. Emoticons cannot replace human gestures and voices. We are dehumanizing communication and changing relationships by accepting this as the way we want to build and maintain a friendship. The question is, is this working effectively and do we want to continue. . .

Already awake

Good Morning!
I had to say this first thing today. I love a good night's sleep. I don't know how often most of the world gets one and I usually don't. But last night, I had a fantastic snooze. 7 full hours solid. I love it! So today, I am already hoppin'.
Sidebar on Alarm clocks. . .
There is one small thing. Does the guy next door really have to leave his alarm clock going off for 2 hours? It is called SNOOZE! Or how about using music mode? See, we have an adjoining wall- the one from my bathroom and his bedroom; so when I get up to get in the shower the first noise I hear is his alarm. That constant beep, beep beep beeping is so freaking annoying. I am up already! Obviously it does not work for him seeing as he leaves it going off forever. And he is there. When I go to leave for work, his truck is still in the driveway. . .

I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend before they were thrown into this whirlwind four day week. My weekend was spent relaxing, watching movies, cooking and cleaning. (Yes, it was time.) I still needed another day or seven, but I am thankful for the three I had to accomplish the things I wanted to. Long weekends due tend to give me some time to think. . .

What is attraction? What is chemistry? What makes a good relationship? How does a person know when someone is the right person for a romantic relationship versus a friendship? Everyone I know has a different answer for this series of questions. I know that I recently have been examining this aspect of my life in more depth due to two reasons. First, my brother is getting married in three weeks and second, one of my closest friends is going through the pain of a divorce. Watching this union and this disunion, I have come to realize some interesting things about myself and relationships.

Love is not just a feeling that comes along one day and you are simply "in it." Good relationships take work and yet, they seem easy because the two people involved are perfectly matched. And I don't mean perfect. I mean compatible in the ways that a couple need to be. I have watched so many friends over the years put so much emphasis on chemistry, physical attraction and sexual attraction and forget about the fundamentals and then wonder what happened to their relationships.
What I really wanted to ask them was, "Did you think about building a foundation under that house before putting up the walls and adding a roof?" Now don't get me wrong. I am a proponent of mutual attraction and chemistry, but after the initial burst of passion what you have is what you build in the beginning. And this is where I think we have a problem.
My grandparents were both married over 50 years. My parents have been married 35 years. Today, I sincerely wonder if the majority of marriages in today's society will make it to the 20 year mark and we are the problem. We don't spend enough time getting to know someone before we commit. I know that sounds strange, but if we did, the divorce rate would not be so high. People are marrying for what they think is love and finding out that they do not know themselves or the other person in the relationship five or even ten years into their marriages. I feel for these people. They don't even know what has happened to them until their lives are unraveling.

For me, I know who I am as a person and I know that this has helped me recently with my relationships. I know what I want; I know what I don't want. I know that attraction is important to me, but I am not willing to bank the rest of my life on the first five minutes that I have spent with someone. I want to get to know them. I want to spend some time with them, talking, laughing, listening. I want them to know me. I don't want to be a statistic.

Maid in Montana

I hate to clean! I have never liked it. I have two family members and very soon to be a third who own their own cleaning businesses. I don't know what happened to me. To be honest, there are about 4,356 other things in the world I could and would rather be doing. I will avoid it at all costs. Now, to be honest, I am not a pig. I live in a cardboard box (a.k.a very small apartment) and I have a lot of things stuffed into this small place. But, to be fair, I don't clean often enough and wait until I have to or until it is overwhelming (at least in my personal space.) I do have a roommate and often she cleans before I get to it or because it really needs to be done. We are also both very busy people, so cleaning is not a priority, but admittedly, she does the majority of the cleaning in this place. I am gone from the house at least eight hours per day for my job and then in the evenings for my other business. Cleaning would have to take place during my downtime or sleep time on many days and eat up half of my weekend by the time my schedule allowed for it. I have no idea how people balance their lives most days; I can barely balance mine on a regular day not to mention the ones where someone asks you to throw in an extra activity or three.

I will say this. Cleaning will never be a high priority item for me. I will do it. I will make sure that I do my share. I will rearrange my schedule to do so in my living situation to keep the peace if it ever becomes a problem, but I will not sacrifice people, relationships or time with my family and friends to kill dust bunnies. Life is too short to swing a broom, push a vacuum and yield a toilet brush at the cost of seeing or talking to a person for what could be one last time.

Spring time in Montana

I am as close to being a native Montanan as you can get without being born here. I went to elementary school, junior high and high school here and by the time I was done, I ended up with my bachelor's degree from good ol' MSU. GO BOBCATS!! You would think by now I would be used to the weather in this beautiful state. And for the most part, I would say I am used to it. That does not mean I have to like it. This is my first official three day weekend since Christmas that I am actually in Montana and the weather is looking like I should find some wood, nails, a large open field and start counting the animals two-by-two. Of course, we need the rain. We always need the rain. This is Montana. We don't want to be living in the middle of what appears to be Lucifer's backyard come July, but can't it rain Monday through Friday when I am chained to my desk permanently wired to my phone and attached to my computer at the office?

Perspectives

I learn something new everyday. Today, I learned that I am a sexist. I am not denying that I am opinionated, grounded in my beliefs and quite certain of my morals and values, but a sexist? Well, it turns out, probably. And, I am not sure that is a horrible thing. When most people think about the term sexist, they probably think about men talking about women in a derogatory manner, but it is the 2000's. We are an equal-opportunity society. I tend to generalize about men often. What was brought to my attention today, is that I make "sexist" comments about men "all the time." This is the first time I have been told that I was a sexist by anyone, so I found it quite interesting. I was a little resistant to the label, but after a 30 minute discussion found out that by definition, I am a sexist.

In my own defense (but I don't think I need one) I have had years of what I would term reverse conditioning and training to lead me to where I am today. I am not a hard-core male-bashing feminist, but I do have my moments where I generalize male behavior. Furthermore, I believe that men and women both have certain behaviors that are inherent to their sexes and those behaviors are typically more prominent in one than the other. If this makes me a sexist, so be it. But, I know that I am not alone in these beliefs. These are called gender roles. Gender roles today have blurred significantly with the changes in the definitions of marriage and family, but men are still men and women are still women by some societal standard and certain characteristics will always be defined as masculine or feminine.

With that being said, this is not what defines a person. A person is a unique individual with his /her own traits, foibles, and characteristics. A person is a product of his/her environment and choices combined with his/her personality. He or she is not defined by his/her sex, but by the entire mosaic.

Internet Service Will Make You Lose Your Keys

So, as it is, I work for an Internet Service provider. Now, that is fabulous as I am not paying for my service at my home. On the other hand, at this very moment, I have none and I am and Internet junkie. This has proved to be a very painful couple of weeks for me. I MUST HAVE INTERNET!!!! I use my high-speed Internet service every night. As you can imagine, I am going through heroine addict-like withdrawal symptoms as I type on this hi-jacked computer and am trying to stay away from the bright light at the end of the tunnel that is pulling me in to the promise land.

As it turns out, last night I had to go to a friend's place to use his computer and Internet service (end up driving 20 miles round trip with gas at $2.79 per gallon) to come home at 11:45PM to my house only to discover that I had no house key. It was conveniently locked in my house inside my pants pocket from the day before when I had given it to the technician from my office who had gone to my house to "fix" my Internet connection. I, of course, knew that if I did not take that key and immediately put it back on my key chain I would forget and something like the situation I was in last night would happen. But, did I find my keys and replace that key? NO!!!! I opted to drink a glass of red wine, put my feet up in my recliner and forget. I just left it in my pocket so I could stand on my sidewalk last night dumbfounded and be locked out of my house.
Now, I do live with my roommate Jen, but I could not under any circumstances wake her at that hour last night of all nights as today was THE big day for her. She has been studying for months to take this incredibly important exam and there was NO WAY I was going to disturb her.
So, I got back in my car, drove back to Bozeman and went back to my friend's house and stayed there until early this morning. What a cluster!
Needless to say, at 3:00PM this afternoon, I was headbobbing trying to stay awake on 5 hours of sleep. I am an eight hour a night gal - weekdays, weekends, no matter what. I have to have eight good hours of sleep to function. I can go with less, but I am not at my best.

Today, I am still without Internet service at my house, but I do have my house key. . .

As it was in the beginning. . .

Hello! I have finally decided that I can no longer stay away from telling the entire world my innermost thoughts and feelings daily. Right. Not really. But I plan to have fun. Stay tuned. . .