Flowers that Frighten

I have the best record for not catching the bouquet at every wedding I have every been to over the last 15 years. I have managed to either miss the catching the bouquet with a graceful smile or just miss that entire event at the reception altogether by conveniently making myself scarce at that time if I could. My wonderful friends, though usually do not let me miss the bouquet toss. For some reason, they have made sure as we singletons dwindle that my derriere is out on that floor and readily available for flower catching as if that my insurance policy for marriage. I think my record was a whopping 15 out of 15 misses until my brother's wedding this past weekend.
And then I was flanked by my 11 year old niece (who should not have been out there to catch the bouquet in the first place) and low and behold, she reached up and snatched that bugger. Good for her!! I was ecstatic. My older brother, on the other hand, was not. LOL. He was the one who said she should have never have been out there in the first place. The bouquet toss is supposed to be for eligible women (I would assume that would mean 18 years of age and older?) only. This would not include my niece. At this point, I am laughing at him. I told him it was no big deal. She should keep it and at the rate I was going she was going to get married first anyway. He proceeded to tell me that I should have caught it and if I did not have "alligator arms" I would have. "Alligator arms?" At this point, I was about to bust a gut, but I could not dissuade him. He insisted that by proxy, this bouquet belonged to me because we had to keep it in the family. Huh? Where did he come up with this twisted reality?
It turns out I have to start over now, as I ended up with the tosser and evidently will be the next to get married if you believe the tradition. I have a lot of work to do if that is the case. . .

Went to the Chapel

The wedding is done. The bride and groom are happily married and now, and one week later are off on their honeymoon. The wedding was beautiful. Everything went well. Everyone had a great time. I even managed singing with a wretched cold and not sounding like I had one. I thank the Lord for giving me the 3 and a half minutes I needed to honor my brother and his new wife with that special gift. What a wonderful weekend of family, friends and fun times. Weddings make me sentimental.

Laundry

What can I say? Besides cleaning, I hate to do laundry. I wait until the last possible minute to wash my clothes and because I have as many as a small department store this is entirely possible. I just don't like to have to sit around and wait for the washer to finish and then move them to the dryer only to have to remove them and then fold them to move on to the challenge of finding a place to put them away in the tiny space of my bedroom. If I ever get to own my own home, I will build a closet with a house around it (that and the kitchen). I must have space to put away clothes and in my current situation, I don't have much. We are crammed in here like sardines in a can. I know it could be worse, but I am in my 30's now. It is time to get into an adult living situation where I don't feel like I am living like a college student any more. But, the price of property in this area is beyond outrageous. That is another post. Back to laundry, I can accumulate up to 10 loads before I am desperate. Ten loads will take me a weekend to accomplish. And I don't have time to waste on that. There is an overwhelming sense of dread that washes over me when I have to wash my clothes. Ok. It may not be that bad, but it really just annoys me. LOL.

Going to the chapel

I have been a little out of touch lately. A busy life dictates little time to post on the blog. I have been running around getting ready for my brother's wedding. I cannot believe it is already here. I think I remember when I got the call that he was engaged. Wow, how time flies! I am really excited to see all of our family and the friends that are making the trek here for this special event. I am thankful for any time with my family as so many of us live so far apart. The wedding is Saturday in Helena at the church we grew up in. It will be standing room only. I am not a bridesmaid- whew! I avoided this one, but I am singing. The only two things I do for weddings are be a bridesmaid and sing. I am professional bridesmaid and wedding singer. If you need either, let me know. Sometimes, I get to do both at the same time. Those weddings are my favorite. Killing two birds with one stone. I figure by the time I get married I will have some sort of record for both. At one point, my brother and I were in a little unspoken contest of who had been an attendant more times. He won. HA!! I think he has actually been a best man as many times as I have been a bridesmaid. To me, all that means is we both have a lot of friends that we mean a lot to. I have to thank my brother for this wedding in advance. It is going to be short and sweet with just the right amount of spirituality and tradition. I am so glad he is getting married in the church. A marriage started in the eyes of thed Lord is a blessed union. Until Saturday. . .

The Primary

Tomorrow is the primary election in Montana and I hate this day. I love the freedom we have to vote, but I hate party voting. The lines of political parties have changed so much in the last 100 years that I don't know what to call myself anymore. I know where I stand on the issues, but calling myself a democrat or a republican is not a completely true statement. I disagree with both schools of thought on major issues that cross over. Here in lies my dilemma.

The Windy Intruder

Holy shit! I leave the house for a meeting and come home to find my roommate coming out to the driveway cell phone and keys in hand about 5 minutes after I pulled in looking a little shaken. I thought she just wanted to rotate cars (I was now parked behind her) because she usually leaves before I do in the morning, and then she tells me, "I think someone was in our house." huh? WTF? She then proceeds to tell me that she was in our upstairs bathroom and looked up to see that the attic door is ajar. Neither one of us had touched it nor had her boyfriend. The only thing I could think of was that when they came to fix my Internet they re-wired through that space so I called my tech to see if he had done any re-wiring. I did reach him and he said no go on the disturbing of the attic. That did not help us. We decided to call the non-emergency number for the police. They sent over two officers who checked out the house for us and explained how our attic had a certain type of insulation that was like fluffy white snow and it had not been disturbed, but when it is really windy outside can create a suction effect and pull doors like ours ajar because there was a crack in the corner of the outside panel. My lord! All this mess because of the wind. . .

Why There Are Rules

I was asked the other night why I have rules about my male friends dating in the circle of my female friends. I already know that this is not everyone's favorite topic and people think everyone should be allowed to date who they want to, but please consider this before you judge me. The rules come from past experience and I don't mean just one. The messes I have ended up in have cost me friendships and looking back, this is the only way I know to prevent this. Granted, we are all older and maturity is the gift we have been given (in most cases), but you cannot change the fact the we are human and emotions run deep and a romantic relationship can shift the balance of any group's dynamics.

Don't get me wrong. I want people to be happy, especially my friends. I want them in stable, permanent, monogamous, kissy-face, make-me-sick relationships, and sometimes I think the best way to get there is for everyone to know everyone else (meaning date within your circle) since the concept of actual dating has gone completely by the wayside in today's society, but what happens when they break up?

Let's start with the circle of friends where couples begin to form. Everyone is hanging out having a good time and then a boy likes a girl or a girl likes a boy. It is as simple as a little biology and chemistry. So, they hook-up. In the beginning, things are just the same, only what was two is now one. Then, this couple ends up not staying together. They are friends with all of you. Everyone in the group likes both of you and the break-up is not really going all that well. Even as adults, break-ups result in hurt feelings, bad behavior and some "he said, she said." This stuff is not reserved for teenagers and as much as we would never want to admit it, the drama we see in movies and on TV that we laugh at does really happen in real life. Face it. We are human and we can't help ourselves. And often, you will see a division of men and women over the demise of a relationship. Why? Because society has dictated that women side with women and men side with men. If you believe that crap, great. Whatever. The point is, when a relationship ends, no one wins and everyone around you is affected. It is a like a nuclear bomb. There is no containment. The groups ends up with a shift in what once was a very delicate balance in male-female non-sexual relationships. If you know the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," Harry insists that women and men cannot be friends. That there is always one person who is romantically interested in the other person at any given time in the relationship. I am not sure I agree totally with that statement, but I think that Harry is definitely correct in his concept. It is all about timing. Men and women think so differently about sex and about relationships this concept warrants an entirely different discussion. How this relates to the rules is why it is so difficult to date within a group of friends. Timing can be a problem. You met him/her at the wrong time. Someone else saw him or her first.

So, back to this question. Why are there rules about dating each other's friends? Let me connect the dots so we have a clear picture. I have asked several men if they would date an ex girlfriend of one of their friends. The answers vary, but for the most part, men don't have rules. Men don't care if the woman they are with was their brother's former wife. Ok. Maybe not that drastic, but I think you might be getting my point. Women, on the other hand, in general, if they are good friends, do not date each other's men. Ever! At least not the women who want to stay friends. You just don't go there. And to take it one step further, you don't date men that your friend's have expressed a serious interest in, dated for any decent length of time, or have any on-going relationship with (even if the relationship is only friends) without that woman giving her blessing and even then you should probably say no. Please be aware, that there are always exceptions to the rules and women know when they are okay with their friends dating someone and when they are not. This is entirely situational. Many women don't have a problem with their friends dating a guy that they liked or dated 10 years ago, but they do liked to be asked before a friend goes out with him. Nothing bothers women more than seeing "a friend" with someone she used to like or dated. Honesty is always the best policy. We don't "own" these men; we just like to be informed so there aren't any surprises later. It is just courtesy.

Any man reading this is probably going to flip out, say this is bullshit and think he does not have much of a chance if there is a gatekeeper out there not letting her friends date each other, but guys, get a clue. This is not only about you. This is about maintaining the integrity of all of the relationships involved and believe me, I have been down this road a few too many times to not have these rules. This is about looking out for everyone's interests, yours included, even though you probably don't think do. Past experience has brought me here and I am through with learning my life lessons multiple times. Do remember this, a woman always makes up her own mind in the end so you still have a chance.

The Saturday Aftermath

Last night was a great night with friends. We did a little pre-funking at a friend's house and then headed out on the town. I had stocked his place with a bottle of alcohol for each of us. I figured if we were going to do this right, we might as well plan on being fully loaded. That, and I wanted everyone to have his/her choice of drinks. We just hung out and shot the breeze for several hours, laughing, joking etc, all of us drinks in hand until we decided we needed a change of scenery (more men) so we headed downtown. By the time we headed downtown, we were all feeling pretty good. At this point, we all could still feel our teeth. We did look for a bar so we could try to embarrass ourselves at karoake, but thankfully enough the one we went to that normally has it, did not last night. My ears are very happy. We ended up going in there to have a drink anyway. Interesting crowd there. We found some dartboards and made a sorry attempt to play darts. I am a terrible dart thrower. I did at least hit the corner of the piece of wood that the actual board was mounted on in the first round. . .
Next, we headed across the street to one of the only bars in this town that you can dance. The place is usually crowded, smoky, hot and the average age of the individual is 19. Last night was no exception. We did not care. We found our way to the bar, ordered drinks, and proceeded to the dance floor to shake our assets. Of course, my best friend was hit on by a 19 year old who wanted to take her home. It was a, "matter of life and death." The lines kids have these days. We finished our night downtown in this bar.
Our night did not end here. We headed outside after last call to find our way back to the car and gather up our crew when I was approached by an man who had paid me a compliment at the first bar. I must say that this is a brave man to come up to a group of mostly women to talk to a woman you don't know takes courage. He wanted to take me home. My friends were delighted. I was not in the mood, nor was I going to leave with a man and ditch them. I took his number. Cell phones are so handy.
We went back to my friend's house and decided to find the leftover pizza that we had from dinner and devour that and bullshit some more. We dwindled in numbers until it was just three of us and the clock read 4:50 freakin' am. We headed to separate sleeping venues and all tried to grab some shuteye. At around 8AM, my friend and I were both awake so we came home to get ourselves cleaned up and feeling human again. She and I decided to go to breakfast. By the time we got showered and ready to go it turned out to be lunch. Yes, I was moving slow today. I can admit I was not feeling like my normal bright-eyed and bushy-tailed self this morning. Can't say it was just the alcohol either. Like who has not been a little dehydrated? Besides, I was drinking water for awhile before trying to sleep. I have the wonderful pleasure of the post-car accident back problems and the knees of a 60 year-old at 30. So, needless to say, when I go out and dance (which I love to do), I expect to pay for it the next day and I do it with a smile on my face!!
Went to lunch and hung out some more before my best friend had to head home. After that, it was bed time for bongo. I had to get some ZZZZZZ's and I slept most of the day and into the evening today. I had not planned to do that, but I am so glad I did.

T.G.I.F.

Friday has finally arrived. Hallelujah!!! I have been looking forward to this day all week and if you read my previous post, a "Big Fun Night" is what is on the agenda tonight. Probably not as crazy as those excursions in college, but who knows where it will lead or what will happen? But I love hanging out with my good friends after a long day and seeing where the evening takes us. Cocktails, good company, good conversation. . .ahhhhhhhh. This is the good life.

Big fun night- part 25

"Big fun night." This is what my best friend and I used to title our pre-planned party girl nights out on the town in college. We would gear up about Wednesday for a Friday night that would result in us not being able to feel our teeth, laughing until our sides hurt, talking to people we did not know by the paper towel dispenser in a bathroom that no self-respecting woman in the daylight hours would even set foot in, shamelessly flirting with the bouncers, bartenders and DJ's to win free drinks, dancing for 3 hours breaking only for water to re-hydrate to go back and shake our tail feathers some more, with a 2AM stop at Perkins for mozzarella sticks and cheese fries. I think I might be paying for those late night fat fests now. We were crazy and we did not care. We would ignore everyone around us and just have fun without wondering what people were thinking. It did not even occur to us to care. I think the 12 shots of vodka might have helped. . .
I look back at those nights now and laugh. My best friend and I talk about some of those times and wonder how we survived the binges, the sugar in the foo-foo drinks, some of the men we chose back then and ask ourselves what were we thinking? And at the same time, I look at those carefree college times and wonder when life became less like the hallmark card and more like a bad sitcom. Don't get me wrong. I have a good life. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends, (yes-even the ones who irritate me from time to time). And yet, I am wondering what would life be like behind door number 3? I am not talking about regretting any of the choices I have made. Just a change of venue. Some days I just have to wonder what life would be like if I had done just one thing differently. . .