I met this guy last week in what is now a conventional way (the Internet) to meet people. We emailed back and forth a few times and then proceed to the high speed form of interaction, Instant Messenger. He had a picture posted on his MySpace so I knew what he looked like. During the course of our emailing and finally our IM'ing no less then three times he requested pics of me claiming he was a "visual" person. Do understand we met with premise of dating online. I don't begrudge him wanting to see who he is talking to, but let me tell you the rest of the story. . .
This particular guy and I exchanged TWO emails and Instant messaged ONE time. More content could have been written on a beverage napkin. I sent him a picture during our IM conversation. Right before I did, we had started a discussion where I had asked him what he was looking for in a relationship. He would not answer that question until he saw my picture! OK. Again, I understand wanting to see who you are talking to, but don't you think that this is a little over the top here? I mean really, withholding the answer to a question that you basically answered on your MySpace because you don't know what the woman on the other side of your IM looks like?
In one way, I admire this man's tenacity. He insisted on a picture early- no time wasting here. He is searching for perfection and he has to feel chemistry. For him, looking at someone is enough to produce whatever feelings he needs to have for what he describes as chemistry.
If every man can look at a photo and say, "I know I want that woman" or "She just does not do it for me", I should start batting for the other team today. Might be time for spring training now. Granted, I am no Ugly Betty, but I am not a Marilyn either.
I understand chemistry quite well; I received stellar marks in all my chemistry courses. Chemistry between humans is built upon these basic principles. I just don't believe that you can base it on a picture and a picture alone and I never will no matter how many men act this way. (Notice the aforementioned man is still single!) If this was truly how the world worked, wouldn't more people be together or are we all just being shallow?
3 comments:
I would not say that he is shallow. What I would say is that you are unrealistic.
Most people (apparently except for you) must feel a physical attraction to the other person. Especialy in the initial stages of developing a relationship if the intent is to be anything more than friends.
Now, different people have different ideas of what they like in people. Searching for perfection is a completely subjective thing. I don't like what several of my friends like and vice-versa. Just because you didn't fit what he finds attractive does not make him shallow, nor does it mean that you aren't attractive to someone else.
The idea that you can create some magical bond at the beginning of a relationship that superscedes physical attraction is absurd.
Online or not, people do not initiate contact with people they are not attracted to hoping that the pesonality will make it worth while. That's unrealistic.
Brad, what I was focusing on in this post was that this particular person made a judgement call based upon a picture and that was it. I don't define "chemistry" being based upon a single entity. You might define chemistry and physical attraction as being the same thing. This I will discuss at a later time. And, to set the record straight, I never once said that I don't need to be physically attracted to someone to have a relationship. What I did say (in one of our previous discussions), is that I don't make it so paramount that I won't consider a relationship because I at least want get to know someone before I will make that determination.
julie - thanks for saying and noting that you say man instead of men. you have done well in getting over your sexism.
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