There are some days when I question the buoyancy of friendships. Today was one of those days. I had two interactions with two different people that irritated me to the point of wondering how much acceptance is really there. For me and my friendships, we accept each other for better or for worse - in many cases unconditionally like family. I know I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be perfect. Ok- never is a strong word. I have jokingly claimed to be "perfect," but in all seriousness I am a work in progress. I have my foibles, faults and idiosyncrasies just like the next person, but what really bothers me is the fact that there people out there that seem to remind me of my foibles just often enough to question his/her unconditional acceptance.
Everyone has habits; some of us have some not so good ones. I fully admit to the fact that I have ones that I know I need to change. For example, I have a really bad habit of calling people "pet" names that they may not like, even though the names aren't supposed to be derogatory. I really did not know this was a "bad habit" until someone did not like his/her nickname. My intentions have always been in jest, but I have found out that the names were not always appreciated which is understandable to a point. A joke is a joke. Unfortunately, habits are hard to break. So, I am working on it, but in this process, I continue to offend people and in turn get irritated with the cycle. I can't change overnight and I am getting tired of apologizing for being who I am. If you are really friends with someone, don't they accept you for who you are even while you are trying to change for better or for worse? That would be my hope. Even moreso, I would hope that you could address something with a friend once and let them fix his or her problem in the time it takes to do it.
If we could all be so perfect as to fix everything we need to overnight, the world would not be as it is today. And oftentimes, I think in general, people just don't communicate well and that leads to even bigger issues that just mushroom. Misinterpretation is a key factor as to why so many people don't understand each other and clearly communicate today. Because we have gone digital, so much is left to assumption and hence, misinterpretation ensues. A friendly conversation with jokes and laughter can turn ugly so quickly nowadays because email and messenger lacks tone and facial expressions. Emoticons cannot replace human gestures and voices. We are dehumanizing communication and changing relationships by accepting this as the way we want to build and maintain a friendship. The question is, is this working effectively and do we want to continue. . .
3 comments:
I would be willing to guess that I am one of those people that you refer to. There are a few things I would point out:
1 - the use of a derogatory term on a consistent basis, when unwarrented, gets old. My friends and I often call each other names but we don't do it all the time and we feed off of each other in a very different way.
2 - if I didn't accept you for who you are and have the understanding that you are making efforts to change it, I wouldn't still be talking to you.
It is interesting that you assume I was irritated with you. I can see why you might think that. I have so many people I could be irritated with as I have a lot of friends and the nature of relationships is that everyone has their ups and downs. Life is not sunny all the time.
Although, the sun shines for me most of the time. I am very blessed. The Lord has been very good to me. My interactions are primarily positive. In the case they are not, I am learning to roll with it. I would also point out, I am not always the problem. Other people have their own issues and I will not take them on as my own. It has taken me years to learn not to do that. And lastly, I am not always the one who needs to adjust my behavior. I may not be perfect, but no one else is either. I know when I am wrong and I know when something is just not my problem.
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