I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend before they were thrown into this whirlwind four day week. My weekend was spent relaxing, watching movies, cooking and cleaning. (Yes, it was time.) I still needed another day or seven, but I am thankful for the three I had to accomplish the things I wanted to. Long weekends due tend to give me some time to think. . .

What is attraction? What is chemistry? What makes a good relationship? How does a person know when someone is the right person for a romantic relationship versus a friendship? Everyone I know has a different answer for this series of questions. I know that I recently have been examining this aspect of my life in more depth due to two reasons. First, my brother is getting married in three weeks and second, one of my closest friends is going through the pain of a divorce. Watching this union and this disunion, I have come to realize some interesting things about myself and relationships.

Love is not just a feeling that comes along one day and you are simply "in it." Good relationships take work and yet, they seem easy because the two people involved are perfectly matched. And I don't mean perfect. I mean compatible in the ways that a couple need to be. I have watched so many friends over the years put so much emphasis on chemistry, physical attraction and sexual attraction and forget about the fundamentals and then wonder what happened to their relationships.
What I really wanted to ask them was, "Did you think about building a foundation under that house before putting up the walls and adding a roof?" Now don't get me wrong. I am a proponent of mutual attraction and chemistry, but after the initial burst of passion what you have is what you build in the beginning. And this is where I think we have a problem.
My grandparents were both married over 50 years. My parents have been married 35 years. Today, I sincerely wonder if the majority of marriages in today's society will make it to the 20 year mark and we are the problem. We don't spend enough time getting to know someone before we commit. I know that sounds strange, but if we did, the divorce rate would not be so high. People are marrying for what they think is love and finding out that they do not know themselves or the other person in the relationship five or even ten years into their marriages. I feel for these people. They don't even know what has happened to them until their lives are unraveling.

For me, I know who I am as a person and I know that this has helped me recently with my relationships. I know what I want; I know what I don't want. I know that attraction is important to me, but I am not willing to bank the rest of my life on the first five minutes that I have spent with someone. I want to get to know them. I want to spend some time with them, talking, laughing, listening. I want them to know me. I don't want to be a statistic.