I want to clear up some confusion regarding the definition of chemistry from my Shallow Hal post. The guy I was referring to used that term in our brief online interlude so to maintain the integrity of it, I presented it back in my story. Unfortunately, I would not define what he was looking for as "chemistry." In his mind, maybe that is what it is, but for many chemistry involves more. But before I can define chemistry, I need to talk about physical attraction. Some people interchange these two concepts or believe they are the same.
Physical attraction is simply being drawn to someone because of their physical appearance. Looking at physical attraction on the most basic level means a person likes someone else solely based upon the shape of their body, the color of their skin, the length of their hair, the color of their eyes and so on. Whether we realize this or not, this attraction is sexual in nature. We are attracted to someone because of the hormonal response our bodies have to them.
Chemistry isn't quite so tangible. Chemistry is a combination of many things. Now let me explain it. What is chemistry? The way she touches your arm and you feel it everywhere. The way he kisses you and you go weak in the knees. The way he looks at you and you both are ready to leave the party without speaking a single word. The way you finish each other's sentences because you know what the other person is thinking.
Before someone accuses me of reading too many corny romance novels, sit down, shut up and listen. Chemistry is about passion. Chemistry is about connection. Chemistry is about lust. It is about all of those things and many more that I can't even put into words. For many, you know when you have it and you know when you don't. It is almost indefinable, but not quite.
Some say you can be physically attracted to someone and end up not having chemistry. Now before anyone jumps on me and says that is just utter BS, stop and think about this. You might find a person attractive but there just might not being any zha zha zoo. I have seen it happen. Everything is there. Two great people. The kissing has begun and one of them ends up not feeling it.
Here is my point on chemistry. Most people need physical attraction to have a relationship. I am not arguing that; attraction is key. But, chemistry, that is something that most can't figure out without some time, some interaction, a few dates, some coffee maybe a movie or two and maybe even that amazing first kiss to see if it's there. And if you are simplifying physical attraction as chemistry, this might be your problem as these concepts are not one in the same.
1 comment:
Very well put. The second to last paragraph nails it.
I pretty much wouldn't disagree with what you said. I still think your previous post is unrealistic. People are probably not going to be interested in knowing if there is any chemistry there if there isn't a physical attraction in the first place.
I'd say that once the chemisty is established (if it exists), then the physical attraction plays far less of a role. Hence, why couples stay together after they are married, have kids, gain weight, lose hair (and teeth!), and get that nasty mole on their backsides. :-)
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